Written by I spent much of the morning devoting my creative energies to a lengthy Telegram rant about dating. This includes a fair bit of profanity, and it is something worth saving for the public show because it is material that needs to be more widely dispersed for the good of all mankind. So I will not attempt to recycle this tonight, but you are welcome to bring it up if you would like to discuss.
The rant was prompted by someone who has become the subject of much annoyance for me in recent months, who demonstrates cartoonishly some of the worst personality traits in politics. Specifically, he is among that large number of men who complain about women, because women do not like him.
This is a terrible pathology which is not at all unique to love and romance. You see the same thing in people who complain about money. Likewise with the political “system” or any number of other things.
Instead of trying to understand a thing, they curse it, and they say the thing they want is broken.
It is “sour grapes” at its worst.
I saw a lot of this in my early ideological journey. I used to be a contributor to “A Voice for Men” after I started becoming familiar with the evils of feminism. Over time, it became evident to me that, while the critiques of feminism were surely valid, the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and “Men’s Rights” movements, were long on complaints and short on solutions. The supposed solutions they did propose, only made matters worse.
Though it took me longer to figure it out, the libertarians are largely of the same ilk. They don’t like the government, so they say it should just go away. With notable exceptions, they do not try to understand the government. They try to understand arguments for getting rid of it, and they repeat and expand upon those ideas.
You see this most vividly with people who are appropriately considered “conspiracy theorists” even by people who fully understand how screwed up the world is. They act like they are “truth seekers” but what they are actually doing is spending endless hours on the Internet scaring the crap out of themselves and solidifying their preconceived perception that they are powerless to challenge the forces that are ruining the world.
Part of what drove me rightward, and softened my attitudes toward the fairer sex, was my frustration with the impotence of these ideas. The Alt Right said, in essence “We are a Nation. We must cooperate with one another or we will die. We cannot avoid the government. We cannot avoid one another. We must accept the responsibility placed upon us by who we are in the time we are alive and meet this moment.” That, to me, was far more powerful than all of these people who just said everything sucked.
One of the earliest and most important things I learned about leadership came from a collection of books on the subject given to me by my mother when I got my first management job.
“Never bring up a problem you cannot solve”
Now, you cannot take this literally. You bring up problems to which you do not have a solution, so you can find a solution. Identifying problems is an important skill.
But then you have to fix them.
If you do not fix them, and you keep on complaining, you are telling people that you are a loser. When serious people see you doing this, they interpret your behavior as that of a person who complains about things they cannot fix, for the purpose of avoiding the effort of fixing the things they can.
This happens all the time and especially in politics. You see people complaining, not for the purpose of identifying problems to solve, but for the purpose of avoiding effort. It is especially pervasive in politics because deeply unhappy people are using this as an excuse to not look within themselves. They devote their lives to politics for the purpose of focusing all of their energies outward. They cannot stand the thought of addressing what is going on inside of them. They cannot bear they idea that they have any role to play in their own lives. They are not trying to fix society, they are avoiding fixing themselves, and demanding the world conform to their vision of how things ought to be, usually with no expectation that it will.
They are not saying “The house is on fire, get some buckets, form a line to the nearest water source, let’s save this house!”
They are saying “Man, it’s too bad this house is going to burn down and I am totally powerless to do anything about it.”
Which type of person would you want to be around if your house was on fire?
It’s no different for your country or your race.
In addiction recovery, you’ll hear “The Serenity Prayer” spoken ad nauseam.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
While addiction recovery is a fraught subject with a terrible track record of success and a lot of terrible ideas running throughout it, this is one of the better lessons they teach, and it is widely useful because even a drug addict can internalize this.
There are things you cannot change. You have to accept them. You cannot allow those things to bring you down and become the subject of all of your focus because then you will not be able to devote your energy to the things you can change.
There are things you can change. You have to make effort to change them if they need changing.
You need to know the difference between these two things.
For people who say that romance, politics, or money are hopeless endeavors because these things are inherently broken demonstrates that they lack the wisdom to know the difference between these two challenges.
It is rarely the case that a person is completely hopeless in any one of these categories.
They may need the serenity to accept some limitations on their success. They might not ever be President. They might not ever be a millionaire. They might not get the hottest girl or the richest guy to marry them.
But they can almost always earn an honest living. They can almost always have some role to play in politics. They can almost always find someone to share a home and a bed with.
If they lack the wisdom to know their limitations, they seek things they cannot achieve, and they curse the Gods for their own failures. Worse still, they blame other people.
In the case of men who are bitter against women as a class, this takes on a very sinister character. A central part of a man’s identity is his relationship with the opposite sex.
Men who are successful with women generally feel confident about themselves and approach other challenges with a similar confidence. This is, of course, part of why they are successful with women. The women see the confidence. The results of their approach to challenges is reflected in their material and social success outside of romance. They acquire indicia of status as a consequence of this approach to challenges. Women find this attractive, for reasons too obvious and numerous to list. This feeds into the man’s confidence, and all of these things continue in an upward trajectory for a happy life.
Men who are not successful with women have a choice to make, and it ought not be a difficult one. They can either change things about themselves to become more successful with women and in meeting other challenges, or they can choose the opposite trajectory toward loneliness poverty and misery.
A man who chooses the latter course blames women for his problems instead of solving problems for himself. As a consequence, he is seen as an undesirable person, not only by women, but by other men. Men see this man complaining and they say “this man will not help me to achieve success. If I am with him, I will be unhappy too” and they stay away. The bitter man then finds himself with a lack of positive male influences in his life. He attracts to himself like minded people who are also bitter. They share only their bitterness with one another. They complain about their failures. They discuss new and exciting ways to assign blame without solving the problems within. Any problem met with this approach can only get worse with time, and the challenges they must overcome necessarily become more daunting. These men are averse to effort, and as the challenges increase, their likelihood of solving them moves in the opposite direction
Suicide, drug addiction, crime, destructive political activity, and cultural poison are the only potential products of this pathology. There is no way it can result in anything even remotely positive.
My rant on dating had less to do with dating as such than with demonstrating an alternative to complaining.
If you are not successful with women, then you need to do something about it. You need to become successful with women. You cannot just curse women and expect that women will change their behavior because of the man who complains on the internet. Even if the critiques are totally valid, a man who complains about his love life in public is advertising his unhappiness. He is telling the people who read what he is saying that they will be unhappy too if they decide to be with him.
This creates a feedback loop of loneliness, and the cycle must be broken if the individual hopes to succeed.
I’ll have much more to say about this when we meet tonight as we do every Wednesday at 9:30pm US Eastern for our SurrealPolitiks Members Only Video Chat.
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