Convenient Boogeymen

My favorite part of being an anarcho-capitalist, is that things are so clearly defined. It makes sense, it is evidence based, logical. The primary problem in the world is pretty readily identifiable, the State. The State is not hard to identify. Its agents have been harassing and extorting and threatening us, or worse, for our entire lives. They frequently wear uniforms, have tacky lights on their cars, they get on television and tell us who they are, and what they plan to do to us. They have buildings, with signs that clearly identify the crimes the people inside are committing.

There are other problems in the world of course, and those problems are certainly worth discussing, but in the absence of the State they don’t amount to much. Private sector crime is really only a big problem in places where the State has taken away the guns of the citizenry, for example. Communism and other horrific economic theories invade even anarchist circles, but without the force of the State to redistribute, we can sleep soundly knowing that no matter how many people identify themselves as communists, economic laws will strongly incentivize respect for property. Feminism is working overtime to destroy the family, but in the absence of the family court system, that is pretty much impossible.

So, while it is worth discussing those and other problems, it really is only so far as they pertain to the State. Anarchism will not rid the world of bad ideas, just the enforcement mechanism that bad ideas require.

We’re lucky in this, where our ideological rivals are not.

Feminism cries out about “the patriarchy”. Sadly for feminists, the patriarchy has no uniform. It does not hang signs on clearly identified buildings. Patriarchy lacks a constitution, it does not hold press conferences, or ask people to vote for it. The only evidence of it is loosely defined terms like “misogyny” which change definition based on the emotional state of the person hurling the insult.

Communism cries out about capitalism, which amounts to little more than vulgar Marxist slang for what was once known simply as “economics”. Capitalism doesn’t have patrol cars with tacky lights, it doesn’t break down your door and say “Freeze, capitalists!”. Like patriarchy, capitalism is so elusive that it is only identifiable to the communist, and even other communists, are capitalists, once they fall out of the good graces of their fellow communists, of course. Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and all those other atrocities committed in the name of communism and socialism, those were all capitalists plots, don’t ya know?

Racism too… Once readily defined as slavery, hating a group based on ethnicity, or a belief in the inherent superiority of one race or another, is now much more difficult to identify. No longer does racism shave its head or wear a hood. Now racism is in the numbers. Any chart which shows a demographic disparity favoring one race over another, is racism. Anything perceived as insensitive to some group or another, that’s a plot to bring back chattel slavery. Velcro on the ceiling? You must be forming a lynch mob.

How unfortunate for these folks, that their ideology makes enemies of everything in the world. To make an enemy of humor, gender, trade, ownership, mathematics, and even reality itself, must make for quite an exhausting existence. I’m almost tempted to feel sorry for them.

Convenient Boogeymen
Convenient Boogeymen

On the other hand, these convenient boogeymen make the delusionist’s entire lifestyle possible. By setting up fictitious monsters and pretending their influence is everywhere and in all things, the paranoid person creates an environment where he or she always has something to fight against. By making the interpretation of the threat completely subjective, he or she can make an enemy of anyone, or anything, for any reason, at any time. Since the problem does not actually exist, the problem can never be solved. If one can monetize the fear they create, it can bring in an endless stream of not only entertainment and social excitement, but revenue as well.

So while we can sympathize with the exhausting and confusing circumstances these politically correct hysterics and leftists suffer through in their day to day lives, it is important to remember that they are well compensated for their efforts. Whether it is direct funding by the State, advertising revenues on propaganda, or just by the comfort of being in the company of large numbers of other equally irrational people, saturating oneself in superstition has always been rewarding. As recently as any given Sunday morning at any church, to any ancient historical record of deity worship, one might directly profit from these superstitions, or simply benefit from the communities that build around them.

The rest of us, those few rational people who have throughout the centuries looked on in amazement at the superstitions and the violence and economic disaster that they bring, we’re not so lucky. Whether the doctrine at issue is Christianity, Judaism, Islam, feminism, communism, statism, or any other hysterical superstition, there are certain constants. Holy men preaching to flocks of sheep about deities and devils, causing l manner of mayhem in the society, while blaming the impurity of their followers for the troubles the holy men caused.


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Christopher Cantwell comedian, writer, voice artist, and Patriot.

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